top of page
Search

Do You Have a Teen Who is Failing to Thrive?




It’s a question many parents find themselves grappling with. Does your teen seem unable to cook, clean, or handle even basic chores? Are they struggling with responsibility, or simply refusing to engage? You may be thinking, "Is it because they can't? Or because they won’t?" In today’s world, it can feel like our job as parents is to make our kids happy. We often buy them things to keep them quiet, or to ease our guilt for not being able to give them more of our time. But here’s a truth we all need to acknowledge: It’s not your job to make your kids happy. It’s your job to teach them how to find happiness from within. Your job is to love them, spend time with them, and, most importantly, show them how to function in the world. You are teaching them how to thrive, how to stand on their own two feet when you’re not around, and how to survive in a world that requires responsibility, respect, and self-sufficiency.


How Do We Do This?


The foundation for raising a responsible, independent teen starts with empowerment. Your teen needs to feel that they have a voice in their own life. When children have a say in matters that concern them, they feel more in control of their world. This doesn’t mean allowing them to do whatever they want, whenever they want. It means guiding them with respect, listening to their opinions, and encouraging them to understand the consequences of their actions.


Think back to when you were a child, did you feel seen, heard, and empowered? Were you allowed to have a say, to make decisions for yourself with the guidance of your parents? If not, how has that lack of empowerment impacted your adult life today? Many of us have carried the effects of not feeling valued, respected, or trusted with our own choices into adulthood. Now, imagine how different things might have been if your decisions were met with guidance instead of dismissal, and if your voice was truly heard. This is the same opportunity you have to offer your child now.


Start by giving your teen the opportunity to say "no." For instance, if you ask your teen to take a shower and they refuse, don’t immediately respond with anger or frustration. Instead, approach it like this:Start by giving your teen the opportunity to say "no." For instance, if you ask your teen to take a shower and they refuse, don’t immediately respond with anger or frustration. Instead, try an approach like this:

You: “Please go get a shower.”

Teen: “No.”

You: “Okay, what’s the consequence of not taking a shower?”

Teen: “I’ll be dirty.”

You: “And what’s the consequence of being dirty?”

Teen: “I might feel uncomfortable.”

You: “So, do you still want to skip the shower?”

Teen: “No.”

This conversation teaches your child that their choices have consequences. They may not always choose the right thing, but they’ll learn to think critically about their decisions. It’s not just about obedience, it’s about learning to make decisions and understanding the impact those decisions will have on their life.


Empowering Choices with Respectful Boundaries


One of the most important aspects of parenting is maintaining boundaries. These boundaries create safety and security for your child. But it’s also important to let them test those boundaries. Testing limits is a natural part of growing up, it helps teens understand their own identity and the world around them. When it comes to boundaries, I like to call it “loving with boundaries.” This means being clear about expectations, but also being open to negotiation. Kids need to know that they are safe and loved, but they also need the space to learn and grow from their choices. For example, imagine it’s bedtime and your child wants to finish watching a show. Instead of immediately shutting them down, offer a compromise:

You: “It’s already your bedtime, and watching 30 more minutes would make you go to bed much too late. How about you watch just 5 more minutes?”

Teen: “No, I want to finish the whole show!”

You: “Okay, if you want to watch the full 30 minutes, it will be much too late. How about 10 minutes?”

Teen: “Fine, 10 minutes.”

In this scenario, you’ve taught your teen the value of compromise while still enforcing the bedtime boundary. It’s a conversation, not a confrontation. You’ve shown respect for their desire to finish the show, but you’ve also ensured that they understand why the boundary exists.


Code Words for Non-Negotiable Moments


In some situations, the need for compliance is immediate and non-negotiable. For these times, having a code word for safety or emergency situations can be invaluable. I call these "seatbelt moments." These are moments where your child needs to understand there is no compromise for their safety. For example:

You: “Hold my hand while we cross this road.”

Child: “No.”

You: “What’s the consequence of not holding my hand while crossing the road?”

Child: “I might get run over.”

You: “Do you want to hold my hand now?”

Child: “Yes.”

The code word or phrase like “seatbelt moment” serves as a reminder that some things, like safety, are non-negotiable. In these instances, it’s crucial to make sure your child understands the urgency of the situation, and it gives you the space to be firm without escalating into a power struggle. This code word cannot be abused though otherwise it loses its power.


The Role of Boundaries in Raising Thriving Kids


Boundaries are critical because they provide structure, security, and consistency. They’re not about control, they’re about love and safety. Children will test their boundaries, and that's a healthy part of their development. The key is to be flexible in how you enforce those boundaries, ensuring your child feels heard, understood, and empowered to make decisions within those limits. When you have a conversation about boundaries with your child, it’s important to explain their purpose. Boundaries are there to keep everyone safe, but they also serve as the framework for personal growth. You might say: “Boundaries are here to help keep you safe and help you learn how to make good decisions. I know it’s not always easy to follow them, and you might not always like them. But they’re there because I love you, and I want you to be safe and grow into someone who can thrive on their own.”


Conclusion: It’s a Dance, Not a Battle


Parenting is not about having perfect control over every aspect of your child’s life. It’s about guiding them with love, teaching them responsibility, and empowering them to make their own decisions while understanding the consequences of those decisions. At times, it will feel like a dance, a balance between giving your child freedom and maintaining those loving boundaries. It requires patience, time, and a lot of effort. But the reward is a strong, independent child who understands responsibility and respect, someone who is not just surviving, but thriving. Remember, it’s not about keeping your child happy all the time by giving them things. It’s about equipping them with the skills to be happy on their own, no matter what life throws at them. A thriving teen will be someone who knows how to take care of themselves, make wise decisions, and find joy in the journey of life.


How RTT Can Help You as a Parent


RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy) can be incredibly helpful for parents looking to improve their parenting skills, build stronger connections with their children, and cultivate a healthier family environment. Here are a few ways RTT can help you become a better parent:


  1. Addressing Personal Limiting Beliefs: RTT can help parents identify and overcome personal limiting beliefs or negative patterns that may have been inherited from their own upbringing. By transforming these beliefs, parents can create healthier thought patterns and behaviours, improving how they interact with their children.

  2. Improved Emotional Regulation: RTT can help parents manage stress, anxiety, and anger more effectively. By working through deep seated emotional blocks, parents can respond to difficult situations with calmness and patience, rather than reacting impulsively.

  3. Enhanced Communication: RTT can help parents develop better communication skills, both in expressing their own feelings and in listening to their children. Clear, compassionate communication fosters a supportive environment where children feel heard and understood.

  4. Breaking Negative Cycles: If a parent has struggled with repetitive negative patterns, such as overreacting or using harsh discipline, RTT helps break these cycles. By transforming old emotional patterns, parents can respond in ways that are more loving and constructive.

  5. Boosting Confidence and Self-Esteem: RTT can empower parents by boosting their self confidence and self worth. This inner confidence translates into more assured parenting, where parents are more willing to trust their instincts and feel capable of handling challenges.

  6. Promoting Emotional Connection: RTT works to clear emotional blocks that may prevent a deep emotional connection with a child. By addressing these blocks, parents can strengthen their bond with their children, creating a nurturing and emotionally safe environment for them to thrive in.

  7. Healing from Past Trauma: If a parent carries unresolved trauma from their own childhood or earlier experiences, RTT can help heal these wounds. Healing past emotional trauma ensures that parents are not unintentionally projecting their unresolved issues onto their children.


By focusing on transforming the subconscious mind and addressing deep rooted emotions, RTT offers a powerful tool for parents to become more self aware, emotionally balanced, and ultimately better equipped to nurture and guide their children in healthy, positive ways.






 
 
 

ความคิดเห็น

bottom of page